Archive for the 'h0bbel' Category

Reasons Why When the Revolution Comes You Will Be First Against the Wall

I just read someone who calls themself Dark Rockstr saying Reasons Why (I Think) Habari Won’t Be “The Next Blog App”.

First off, how seriously can you take someone who can’t spell Rockstar with all its proper vowels??? Despite that, he is still worthy of being skewered for his tiny ideas.

“Reason 1: They are entering a somewhat dangerous market.”

The market is dangerous BECAUSE WE’RE IN IT. We’re all from New England and you don’t fuck with us, look what happened to the South. Or Iraq. We’ll tear up your hood like you got oil under it.

“I have read about so many new comers in the market who have submitted Digg stories about being the best and they quickly die off.”

Clearly you have not seen the amazing momentum we’ve sustained, with our userbase doubling almost every month and every major name in blogging abandoning WordPress like the sinking ship it is. More cooks make better soup!

“They are going to have to compete against many people who love the blogging app they are using with right now.”

Like our minions say on every blog post that mentions Habari, we’re not here to compete with other blogging platforms like WordPress. WE’RE HERE TO DOMINATE THEM. I will personally not rest until Matt switches to Habari, Ryan is Khaled’s bitch, and Mark turns in his guns.

“Reason 2: They built themselves a big boot with hype and hopes.”

That’s not our fault, the world saw how many amazing people were involved with Habari and their long history of leading successful projects and starting revolving around us accordingly.

“I have tested Habari and I have to say they are a long ways away from a final product, in my opinion, especially one that will rival my current favorite, WordPress.”

If you like WordPress, your definition of favorite must be slow and bloated software that sacrifices a CPU every time it tries to croak out a miserable little page. Habari probably isn’t right for you, I’d recommend looking into fine alternatives like Slashcode. (Editors note: Register slashwank.)

“Reason 3: Extensibility and security are hard things to build.”

We have objects orienting around objects so much we make the fucking milky way look like foam balls on a coat hanger. We’re so extensible we’re having installer plugins, SO YOU USE A PLUGIN BEFORE YOU EVEN INSTALL IT.

As for security, that’s a given. The first security notice in Habari will come roughly the same time you’re able to go deep sea fishing off the coast of Oklahoma.

“I have worked with in PHP, Java and VB, it’s not something that comes easy.”

I don’t think those languages were designed for the mentally retarded.

“There just isn’t enough features built-in right now for me to jump on the bandwagon, that’s all.”

The bandwagon is full, please refrain from trying to get on until you get a Habari tattoo and can be trusted again.

h0bbel then says, “That being said, the developers behind Habari has not been the ones spreading the hype and in fact most of them felt the attention they got was a bit premature.”

Yeah right, like coordinated blog posts announcing we were leaving WP wasn’t hype inducing, or attempting to get it on Digg, or the weekly screenshot masturbation. We’re dripping the blood of WP in the water to get the sharks into a frenzy so when our release comes out at the end of the month the entire blogging community simultaneously orgasms and takes Technorati down. (Not because of the orgasms, just because Technorati always goes down, the cheap tart.)


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